Q: Is the first time overrated?

Certainly. The whole virginity mandate is a creation of patriarchal cultures, hyped beyond reason and surrounded by misconceptions and stereotypes popularised for ages by books and movies. A staggering number of young women still harbour a false notion about their first time owing to the sense of shame and propriety inculcated in them. It is deeply disturbing that women are expected to treat their virginity as a ‘gift from the heavens above’ while men take pride in their claiming triumph after an act of defloration. It is objectification at its worst.

Does the first time matter? It is highly subjective. Depending on where you are coming from, it can either be magical or scary and confusing. Sex should be more than a physical act. It is about finding that intimate connection with another person. When your first time is with someone you feel no attraction or passion for, it is reduced to an act that you either move on from fairly quick or regret for the rest of your life. However, if it is with a person you find that connection with, you will melt into tears as every moment of your naked vulnerability unravels your knots and brings you closer to completion. Believe me, there is no greater joy than experiencing that moment. It does not matter how or when your first time happens. The connection is what it is all about. Some find it at twenty, some find it at fifty, some never do.

What should you do when the world demands that you abide by conventions? You listen to your own voice of reason. It is a challenge to stick to your beliefs and convictions when the society is trying to goad you into fitting a mould, but freedom lies in overcoming that challenge and becoming your own person. Sex is a personal choice. Whether you indulge in your pleasures from your eighteenth birthday or wait until you have found the right person, it is your life and you choose your path. Do not let anyone convince you that things should be a certain way, because beauty is in the courage to rise above the condemning opinions of the world and embrace all that life has to offer.

And remember what I just said about having that connection with someone? When you find it, never let it go.

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